You Don't Need to Carry All the Grocery Bags in One Trip
Blog written by Michelle Oppermann, BSW, RSW (SK)
I have spent a ridiculous amount of my life trying to carry all the grocery bags in one trip.
Not just literally.
There was a time when I approached a lot of life that way too. Responsibilities, expectations, unfinished tasks, ideas, and all the things I thought I should be able to manage somehow ended up piled onto the same metaphorical set of arms.
Over time, I learned that the answer was not getting better at carrying everything.
It was learning to notice when I was carrying too much.
I share that because when I talk with people about overwhelm now, I understand how convincing that instinct to 'just try harder' can feel. Sometimes we do not recognize overload as overload. We simply assume we need a better system, more discipline, more organization, or a stronger grip.
You might recognize the feeling.
There are twelve bags in the back of the vehicle. A case of sparkling water. Toilet paper. Your purse. Your phone. Your keys.
And instead of making two trips like a reasonable human being, some part of your brain decides:
Absolutely not. We are doing this in one trip.
So you start loading yourself up.
Three bags on one wrist. Four on the other. Something tucked under your arm. You hook another bag around two fingers even though those fingers are already turning purple.
You can barely reach the door handle.
Something is slipping.
The bag with the apples is beginning to tear.
But somehow, the thought that occurs to you is not:
Maybe I should put something down.
It is:
I just need to hold on tighter.
And that is one of the best descriptions I can think of for overwhelm.
Not just ADHD overwhelm. Human overwhelm.
We accumulate responsibilities the same way.
Work.
Appointments.
Emails we forgot to answer.
Laundry.
Paperwork.
Family responsibilities.
Things we meant to do last week.
Things we need to remember next month.
That uncomfortable conversation we have been avoiding.
The birthday gift we still have not bought.
The form sitting on the counter.
The idea we are afraid we will forget.
And then there are the invisible bags.
I should be doing more.
I should be more organized.
Why haven't I finished this yet?
Everyone else seems to manage.
I need to get caught up.
I cannot forget this.
I should have handled this already.
Before long, we are standing at the metaphorical front door with grocery bags cutting into every finger, wondering why opening the door suddenly feels impossible.
And this is often the exact moment when we decide we need to try harder.
Stay up later.
Make a better list.
Buy another planner.
Download another productivity app.
Reorganize everything.
Push through.
Catch up.
Get serious.
Try harder.
But if you were standing outside your house carrying fifteen grocery bags and one of them was ripping open, I doubt anyone would walk past you and say:
'You know what would really help? Pick up another bag.'
Yet we do this to ourselves all the time.
The problem is not always that we need a better grip. Sometimes we are simply carrying too much.
And when we are overwhelmed, the first skill may not be figuring out how to become stronger, faster, or more productive.
It might be learning how to put some bags down.
That does not mean giving up.
It does not mean you are lazy.
It does not mean the groceries are unimportant.
It means you stop treating every single thing as though it must be carried at the same time.
Maybe the frozen food gets carried inside first.
Maybe the toilet paper can wait in the vehicle for ten minutes.
Maybe you ask someone else to grab a bag.
Maybe you make three trips.
Maybe you realize one of the bags does not even belong to you.
That last one matters more than we sometimes recognize.
How much of what we carry every day is actually ours?
Other people's expectations.
Responsibilities we automatically volunteered for.
Things we think a 'good' employee, partner, friend, daughter, parent, or adult should be able to manage.
Tasks we keep carrying because putting them down feels uncomfortable.
Sometimes overwhelm is not asking us to become more efficient.
It is asking us to become more selective.
That can be especially important for ADHD brains because when everything feels important, urgent, interesting, unfinished, or emotionally loud, prioritizing can become incredibly difficult.
So instead of asking:
How do I get all of this done?
Try asking:
What actually needs to come through the door first?
That is a very different question.
It moves us away from trying to solve our entire life while standing in the driveway.
One task.
One decision.
One bag.
And sometimes the most useful thing you can do is deliberately set everything down for a moment so you can see what you are actually carrying.
Not to judge it.
Not to create a prettier list of all the bags.
Just to notice.
What is urgent?
What can wait?
What can be broken into smaller trips?
What can someone help with?
What does not need to be carried at all?
Overwhelm often convinces us that stopping will make everything worse.
But sometimes stopping is exactly how we regain the ability to move.
You do not need to learn how to carry an impossible number of grocery bags without dropping anything.
You need to learn to recognize the moment your fingers are going numb.
That moment when you start gripping harder.
Working later.
Making another list.
Reorganizing everything.
Telling yourself to just push through.
That can become your signal.
Not that you need to try harder.
That it might be time to put something down.
Because the goal is not to become a person who can carry everything.
The goal is to become someone who notices what they are carrying, understands their own capacity, and knows they are allowed to make more than one trip.
You are allowed to make more than one trip.
Sometimes recognizing that you are carrying too much is the first step. Figuring out what to do differently can be harder.
Counselling can give you space to understand what is contributing to the overwhelm, explore what support might help, and find strategies that fit your brain, your needs, and your life.
The goal is not always learning how to carry more.
Sometimes it is learning what you can put down.
Michelle Oppermann, BSW, RSW, brings more than a decade of clinical experience supporting youth, adults, and families through complex mental health challenges and life transitions.
With 10 years of family counselling experience and 6 years working as an addictions counsellor, Michelle has extensive experience supporting people navigating ADHD and neurodivergence, addictions, OCD, PTSD/CPTSD, suicidality, and other complex concerns. She is trained in DBT and CBT and uses a trauma-informed, compassionate approach to help clients feel understood, supported, and empowered.
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